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Itapos;s been a while since Iapos;ve posted anything on here for a while, so this may be a big post, who knows? Lets see how long I can keep on typing till I get bored.
Things have been up and down for a while - a bit of up, a lot of down, but about a month ago I was really happy. I donapos;t know why, but its gone now.
Less than a month till university is finally over for another year, and I can get out of this forsaken flat and this cramped city, and do some good ol physical labour on the farm. Iapos;m sick of having to use the grey matter in my head.
As the title suggests, I have been homesick, but not for the farm in Morrinsville. That place has never really felt like home to me. It just felt so....fake. The old farm used to feel so unique and magical, but this place just feels like another beef farm in the heart of the Waikato.
I lie awake for hours most nights just thinking about the farm in Ngakuru, and wishing that it was still a place I really could call home. But now its owned by strangers, seperated into a lifestyle block and a farm, mutilated, ruined....
Iapos;ve never been good at letting things go, but this place has been especially hard to forget.
Maybe itapos;s because I was happy here, and when we left, things started to go downhill. And now Iapos;m here, rotting away, forgotten by many, unhappy, unloved.
I think the thing I miss most about the old farm was the sunsets, and how clear and fresh the air felt. I always used to love watching the setting sun blazing its orange light through the two giant pine trees, sitting on the lawn, breathing in the cool, crisp, clean air. It was truly an amazing, magical feeling, and I have only come to truly realise how much I miss it now.
In the place at Patetonga, the sun always set so early, since it was obscured by the hulking hills at the back of our place, and the air was always so thick and clammy, even in winter.
I remember exploring the farm, and even though it was only 80 acres, I always discovered something new, whether it be a new stream, animal, plant or relic from when the farm used to be part of a larger diary establishment. The new place did have its wonders, but they were uniform and easily discovered.
Right now, there is this strange driving determination inside of me thats wants to make millions, and buy back the old place one day, so that I can truly appreciate it for what it is, and how happy it made me.
Because right now, there isnapos;t much else that is making me happy.

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